Lessons in Bad Journalism: How to Write a Boycott Novell Article
Many of you out there in Free Software land wonder: how is Roy Schestowitz such a rock star in the FOSS community? Is it his persistence in keeping the public informed of the evil doings of Microsoft and Novell? Is it his positive encouragement of supporting the various venerable Free Software technologies?
No, I believe it is something more than that. The man is a literary craftsman, and weaves the completely true, terrifying world of illegal monopolies. Also, he's a brilliant web designer to boot. He pulled back the veil against Mono, Microsoft's evil sabotage technology for the Linux desktop. With his watching eyes and calming demeanor, Mr. Schestowitz is keeping the Free world Free.
But now you, a mere nooblet in the world of Free Software, want to write like the Shakespeare of our time. So, as a common service to humanity, I shall demonstrate how to construct a Boycott Novell-calibre article with utmost precision. Let's look at the example below to gleam a better idea of how to do this.
icrosoft MVP Miguel de Icaza is promoting Silverlight once again by stating that his patent-encumbered project might enable access to Olympic content. The real solution is for the Olympics to use standards instead of serving Microsoft [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]. What de Icaza is doing here is simple; he keeps regulators away from Microsoft*. We wrote about this before, particularly when Microsoft came under fire for Silverlight and US regulators stepped up. The Novell/Microsoft patent deal had similar ramifications in Europe (harming Samba’s case). Needless to say, Novell is behind de Icaza, so it is not just his personal infatuation with Microsoft. Novell’s tactless PR Director [1, 2] is endorsing de Icaza’s message:
The first thing to acknowledge is the sources. Roy Schestowitz uses the best sources in the world to compose information for the Free Software world at large...himself. Who better to trust than this revolutionary that has shaped online journalism into an artform. So, let's replicate this in an example below.
Today, Microsoft found itself in hot water [1, 2, 3, 4] because of the overwhelming evidence linking it to the murder of Joe Bluff, a well-known Vala programmer and Free Software evangelist. [1, 2] The evidence? A blog post from a familiar face. Microsoft TechNet employee Darrel Jarvis, .NET Proponent and Microsoft Shill, announced on his blog today that .NET would have "a killer feature"[1] and would "slay Vala" [1]
As you can see, the links are only hypothetical, there's no real reason to panic. But look at what I did. Assuming that most of the links are different, I pointed to other articles in which I reported on, for reference. This neatly gets new Free Software initiates up to speed on the goings on of the enemy, thus saving them from accidentally installing Microsoft-encumbered technologies on their hard drives. Information is our only weapon against the FUD those corrupt corporations pump out.
The second important aspect is to pick your information wisely. For example, the following statement
Novell has contributed 25% of all Linux kernel code, and heavily funds Free Software desktop environments with usability fixes and field studies.
Can easily be corrected to state the following:
Ever since the Microsoft-Novell Deal back in 2004, Novell has polluted the Linux kernel with numerous lines of patent-encumbered code, even allowing Microsoft to port a driver to it. Furthermore, their Mono contributions have forever ruined Free Software desktops.
These kinds of statements make Roy's articles the go-to for the complete truth on what really happens in the Linux community.
Finally, realize that no BN Article is complete without a work of political art attached. Realize that these conform to all copyright laws, and don't violate a single policy. It's the best way to accentuate points.
There, that ought to keep the M$-Shills away. I can't program or develop anything to save my life, but I CAN CONTRIBUTE.
Sir Sane Starts an Adventure Game
So, in my bored state, I've begun some very rudimentary coding using Adventure Game Studio. Mainly because I've spent a lot of time prepping myself for the Air Force. When you're on a diet and have nothing to do all day but exercise, you might as well put your brain to good use.
So, without further ado, some screenshots of my slowly-coming-along game. It's called "No One Likes You", and is about an emo kid that gets abused and hated on by everyone. Awkward dialog options, a satire of society, and a whole lot of fucked-up humor.
Some screenies:
And here, we see the updated icons and interface.
But yeah, things are coming along nicely. Maybe if I finish it in time, I'll get it out to everyone.
Overly Dramatic Service Announcement
The following has everything to do with my YouTube trolling, and the new year.
Overly Dramatic Public Service Announcement
I'd really like if our admin could fix video embedding. That would be great.
To My Ex.
This was when we were together.
This is me when I found out you were fucking your best friend.
NO WAI
And this is me after I realized you're cheating on him now, too.
Any questions?
Old Cartoons From Old Friends
I was reading some really really old blog entries of mine from a couple years back when I ran across these little comics done by a forum buddy that I had met through EBWS (eBaums World Sucks), and I figured they were too good to pass up. Terminatr3000, also known as Max Karls of his personal website LifeinSucksville. He had some really fun little work-in-progress Flash animations. Dunno where he is out in the great big world, but Max if you come across this, it's me, Alliance, from the old boards! (You know...the number three guy out of a community of thousands of 4Chan, Newgrounds, and SomethingAwful enthusiasts)
Anyways, he had showcased a series of short comics commenting on the hopeless boredom that is our lives, the aptly-titled "The Completely Uninteresting Life of Daniel McBoner"
Worth a look!
Coming Home.
I write this in the interest of this actually being posted in the Future. Currently, I am sitting on my lazy ass being a bum until my extended family returns to my grandparents house. Then, we're going swimming!
ROAAAAAAAAAAR
Let's hope no one gets hurt or morally offended like they did yesterday. Overall, this vacation has been kick ass. By vacation, I don't mean "Summer", most of Summer has been downright dull. No car means no job means no money means no beer means no party means no sex. If that is a difficult thing to grasp, then perhaps I might recommend you to read one of the simpler blogs designed for social retards.
We did some great things out in Arizona, oh the great things we did. I checked out the University of Arizona, where my grandparents met.
Fuckin' Nice!
Then we went spelunking in a very Scammy cave. It didn't take long, though the tour guide really liked droning on about the semantic bullshit of caves.
Feh. Not worth 11 bucks per person.
And so, coming around full circle, here I am.
My brother is the one on my left.
This post lacks a lot of substance and makes up for it in pictures. I'll leave it sitting in the queue while I pound out some good rants. What I'm REALLY waiting for is to get my OSCON pictures developed at Wal-Mart on my cheapo Polarioids. There's a series of good fucking rants behind those. Anyways, this will show up on Saturday. In the meantime, I'll be stuck on an airplane. If some freak accident happens on my way back and somehow kills me, I guess this would be a suitable goodbye from beyond the grave.
I wuv oo!
An Obligatory Introduction
Hmm...
So it has been brought to my ever-shifting attention that we're doing site blogs for the Linsux.org Staff-and-friends. Great, just dandy. Now I have to disown my own personal blog and move shit over here. (Not that it matters really, it was like four posts)
I've been sitting on my happy ass out in Arizona for the last few days. I've gone to some cool places, done some interesting things. I'd talk about them, but then I'd have to pull out photos that I currently don't have, so there.
...
Now that I think of it, this might be a great place to bitch about OSCON in a future post. Yes, I went. Loved most of it, hated parts of it.
Farewell, Cthulu
So, my mom and I went out for a little drive today to prepare my trip to San Jose, CA tomorrow. We had gotten everything purchased, and came back. My cat, Cthulu, was laying in the driveway. At first, we thought she was just being funny, she tends to fall asleep in random places like that all the time. We chuckled and honked the horn.
Nothing.
Frightened, we got out of the car. Barely a pulse. Her eyes were glazed over, and her tongue was hanging out. There was a slight purring going through her as I touched her.
We rushed her to the Animal Hospital, with the smallest spark of hope that maybe we could save her…but it was too late. She died tonight, and a part of me died with her. For the past six months I’ve been through some very hard times in my life, and Cthulu was always there to cheer me up. It’s just such a bummer to see her go, especially because of the joy she brought to my house.
So, to honor her in the geekiest way possible, I turned a candid picture I took of her into a lolcat.
I Blogged My Way to OSCON
So a crazy random happenstance occured around the beginning of this month. After chatting it up with the Linsux.org staffers, I decided to up and check my email. Needless to say, after looking at top of my inbox I was kind of shocked. It was a message from Brian Proffitt, community manager of Linux.com, which is where I write my more serious articles. (The ratio between my vulgar Linsux.org ones and my respectfully entertaining ones on Linux.com are currently a bit unbalanced, but I’ve got some good articles coming up in the queue.)
Anyways, Brian Proffitt. He sent me the following message:
“Sean:
As a way of celebrating the Linux.com community blogs, we had a little competition for the bloggers. As media partners for the ever-cool OSCON event, happening July 20-24, 2009 in San Jose, CA, we were graciously donated two free passes to the event (excluding the tutorials) to share with the two Linux.com users who received the most hits for their blogs between June 11-30.
I am happy to say you were one of the two top bloggers for the judging period!
To claim your pass for the event, all you need to do it surf to https://en.oreilly.com/oscon2009/public/register and when registering, use this promotion code:
(censored)
This should waive all fees to the event. Please note that tutorial sessions are not included with this free pass.
I hope you can attend the show, and again, congratulations!
–
Brian Proffitt
Community Manager
Linux Foundation”
For a few minutes, I wasn’t entirely sure what to think. Just earlier that day, I had watched the emotionally scarring masterpiece that was Requiem for a Dream. (The old woman’s “I’m going to be on television!” psychotic frenzy.) I was almost afraid I was being duped for a couple minutes.
But no, not Brian Proffitt. He’s a cool guy, mainly because he’s been so helpful with the articles I’ve posted during Linux.com’s article moderation freakout. I looked at my various articles. Several of them were in the thousands range. Yep, this was for real.
Anyways, needless to say I’ve raised the money through various means for travel (I will never look at a back alley the same way ever again.), I booked my flight and reservations, and other than travel expenses I’m going to OSCON for free.
Can’t wait for the 21st.
